Melancholic Memories
by harully2393
Summary: Heartache. The feeling of losing the one you love. (Collection of One-shot's created for Oliver and Felicity most commonly known as OliCity)
I can hear the ocean speaking directly at me as the last stab of pain left my aching heart. I don't want to let all the pain inside me but I have to move-on from this deception. I don't want to lie but, I have, for me to understand the plan that is laid in front of me. I think it is time for me to find myself and discover the world on my own.

I've been living with this pain inside of me. I've been longing for that warmth that will make me continue my life but it's been too long and the island is a place of escape for me.

I look around the place I've been living since my heart was broken into pieces. I can see the scrapes of pain written in all the corner of this island. I can still feel the warmth of loneliness spoken by the rustling of the leaves that hasn't been dried from the storm that happened last night. When I look up I can see the sadness in the glistening diamond's of the sky as I tried to reach it.

I breathe heavily and look at the endless horizon spoken by the ocean. As my feet had a contact with the sand all the feeling of betrayal and deception run wild into my whole system. I start to run towards the ocean as I calm my nerves when the smell of that savage night kept lurking on my mind.

I wanted to scream but only my muffled cries escape my mouth. It's been a year since I left and went back to the island. I had lost a lot of people in the past and it pained me but losing her is the greatest agony I can receive in this lifetime.

I was the Arrow but I had to sacrifice the only person who accepts who I am. As I stare at the ocean her memory collapse in my head and the burning heat of the sun made me fall hard on the sand before I realize a hand touching my face so gently it made my heart and mind hope that it was her.

ONE YEAR AGO

#DENIAL

As I stare at the monitor softly clicking on the side of my secret hide-away I can hear my phone buzzing so I take it and answer the call. It was from Diggle who I ask to go and see our friends in A.R.G.U.S. I'm not talking about those lynches but I'm talking about the suicide squad.

I know that they can help me with my fight against Slade. I look around and I can feel that warmth covering me. It's a familiar feeling I've been feeling since Felicity came and start to work with me. From the beginning, I can feel something for her but I have to give-up my emotion for the people who needs me.

As I was finishing keeping all the things that I use as the arrow the insistent call from the three-way speaker inside my ear keeps on bugging me. A smile forms my lips when I saw the name written on the small screen of my phone.

It was Felicity. I excitedly answer the call when my world crumbles down like the Berlin Wall. All of the happiness inside me was succumb by numbness. I can still hear the voice of Diggle ringing in my ear as he told me about the accident.

I grab my things and run towards my car and insanely drive from Verdant to the hospital. I keep on saying anything intelligible when I saw the gate of the hospital. I park my car and went inside when chaos and panic made my heart race as I tried to find the girl with a blonde hair.

All the people around are trying to be strong for their family who became victim in Slade's revenge. I can see blood all around, doctors hovering like bees, nurses running here and there and families keeping their sanity.

I keep on looking when I spotted Diggle on the corner of the Hospital talking to a doctor. I went to him and asks him what is happening when my sister hug me and led me towards the near end of the emergency hall.

I can see pain inside her teary eyes. No words can explain the pain that hit me hard when she cried hardly as she tries to speak but words can't come out of her mouth. The only thing she said made me fell into my knees and stare on the nothingness that covers my vision.

' _She's gone'_ the voice of my sister echoes inside my brain but my heart won't accept the truth.

All the people around me are crying and busily looking for their family members played in a slow motion. I can feel a tear fall down my cheeks but I can't even move. I can't even talk as my mind replayed the word 'She's gone'.

I don't want to believe it. I just can't believe everything that I'm seeing. I can't believe that I'll be losing her when I planned to live with her until we die in each other's arms.

I remove my sister's hand and brush the tear in my eye. I smiled crazily and told her that Felicity is in her apartment waiting for me. I went out of the hospital as my sister's voice tries to tell me to stop and go back inside.

I went directly inside my car and drive towards her apartment. I went inside and call her name but no one answer's me back. I can see the different shade of colors playing inside Felicity's apartment. I told myself that I will tell her about my feelings after the battle but I just couldn't believe that she's gone.

I call her phone and told her that I cook dinner so she needs to come home. No one answered her phone back except for the operator's voice telling me that the receiver can't take any calls for the moment.

After 30 minutes I call her again believing the words I keep telling myself _'She'll be here just wait patiently for another hour'_. Another hour had gone wasted and no sign of Felicity appear on the door.

' _She'll be here'_ the voice inside my head kept on replaying when I remember that I did not put her favorate music on the radio. I switch on the radio and I can hear the voice of the singer calming my nerves telling me again and again that she'll be strutting inside her apartment like a boss in any minute now.

' _She's gone'_ my sister's voice booms inside my head but I brush it off as I reason again.

' _No, she's just having overtime because she's helping Lauren for the search and rescue operations that Captain Lance told me about. She'll be here and I will tell her about how my day went on. She'll be here with me as we dance with her favorate song. She'll be here'_ I keep on telling myself.

When suddenly my heart jolted as happiness cover my face and I hurriedly open the door of her apartment to surprise her but I was the one who got surprise.

I was disappointed to see my sister's face covered with pain and she went inside insisting that Felicity is gone.

'She's gone. She was caught on an accident. She's dead. You need to come with me. I know you're hurting but you have to accept the truth. She's gone and she'll never come back' my sister's says as she grabs my hand and gives me a hug.

'Speedy you're mistaken. Felicity will be here in minute we just need to wait for her. We need to wait for her' I calmly told my sister but she just tightly hugs me as her cry turns into a wild sob.

'Hush. Felicity is a fighter. She'll be knocking on the door. We just need to wait for her' I said again as numbness covers my heart.

I can't feel anything. I can't even move. I can't even hear my heart beats. I smiled again when reality hit me hard as the clock strikes 12 in the midnight.

#ANGER

As realization hit me as is anger succumb me. I went straight to the kitchen table and start to tear all the things on the table. I can hear Thea shouting and shouting but all the anger inside me keeps on lurking in my heart.

I throw everything that comes my way. I didn't even realize that I was in my car driving around the glades with no particular place in my mind.

I can still feel the tears dropping from my eyes but it still doesn't keep the anger inside me tame. I wanted to kill Slade but he is on his way back to the Island where we meet. I can hear my phone ringing but I toss it out of my car. The image of Felicity runs wild in my mind. I wanted to tell her how much I love her but I carelessly use her as a weapon. I look at the bright sun hovering at me as I angrily make a break causing the Sedan to have a hard stop just in front of Verdant.

I blame the people in the Glades. I blame my father for giving me a hard job that sacrificing her was the greatest pain I can give. I blame my mother for letting Slade inside our family. I blame Diggle for not protecting her. I blame myself for letting myself fall for her and at the end of the day I was the one who killed her.

I am starting to even blame God for not letting me have the chance to tell her 'I love her'. I blame all of the people that have all the reason not to make me happy.

In that moment an image of Felicity smiling cross my mind as I can feel the heaviness of my heart turns into something. I can feel the weakening of my heart. I can feel it as pity took over me.

#PITY

I open the door leading to the now destroyed Verdant and come across my face in a computer toss aside. All I can see are the remnants of my escape place. All the computers are destroyed and the walls crumble like my heart was torn into pieces.

I look around to see the familiar silhouette that always waits for me until I am back. I close my eyes to daringly find the familiar scent of her body as I make contact with her. I can't see nor smell it. I can't even hear the familiar tinge of the computer as she tries to call me of Diggle about our position.

Everything was gone. All the familiar things that Felicity painted in all the corner of Verdant were gone. It was being crowded by the dust from the Glades. The destruction of Verdant feels like the end of the world for me.

I look at my eyes and I can see guilt and fear written all over it. Guilt for not saving Felicity from the deadly sword of Slade. Guilt for not telling her how much I love her. Guilt for not giving her the chance to tell me about what she really feels. Fear that I will never ever pass this torture in my life again. Fear of losing myself in the hands of death and suicide. Fear of my heart dying impeccably without any chance of beating again.

I can't see myself smiling again like the way I did every time Felicity put her hands around me. I can't see myself laugh the way I did with her. I can't see myself touching another girl's hand. I can't see myself telling another girl the world 'I love you'. I'm so lost and I keep on telling myself that Felicity is not dead.

I keep on telling myself to get up and go see her but I don't have the courage to do so. I don't have the strength to continue being the Arrow without her by my side.

I know now that I am lost and gone forever.

#PAIN

As I look around the destruction cause by Slade's army I can see the pain of death in every person I stumble as I walk crazily from Verdant to wherever my feet wants me to go. I just stride following the herd of people trying to help each other.

My heart is numb.

My brain is not functioning.

But I can feel the tinge of pain as I remember Felicity's face again. It is all over my body numbing my heart and mind but it slowly kills my soul.

The pain inside me is unimaginable. It is indescribable. It is destructive and I know from the moment I slump on the road the pain inside me is already eating all that's left in me.

Hope.

Hope is already being wash away by the achingly savage pain of losing a person that you always love but failed to realize. I am the Arrow. I should be moving around looking and helping all the survivors but here I am slump in the dirt without using my brain to function.

I can't stand as my heart beat one at a time. I can see the moon replacing the sun in the sky. The stars are already forming their own little shapes. The crying and shouting around me jolt me back into reality as I realize that all the people needs help.

I look at them one by one and I curse because Felicity died for all these people.

I wanted not to help them when Diggle miraculously appear in front of me. He looks at me with those same eyes I saw when I decided to forego with the plan of trapping Slade.

He held his hands putting it in my shoulder. My eyes are dried already from the tears that fall unstoppably as I walk away from Verdant.

He dared not to speak. He dared not to say anything but from the angry gush coming out from his mouth I know right then that he feels the same pain I feel because we both lost our beloved Felicity.

The pain crawling inside of him is the pain of losing a younger sister. I can always see through Diggle that he protected Felicity with all his might. I look at him again before we settled inside the Sedan he brought with him.

I don't want to talk nor say anything because I feel like the moment a word comes out of my mouth I will find myself crying again.

I just stare at the Glades in its destructive phase.

#MOVING ON

It's been a year since I left the Glades and dedicated myself in this rotten island. Thea and Roy were left to continue my job. My job of putting Glades in order as well as correcting all the mistakes my family did before.

Queens Consolidated was already taken in by Ray Palmer. He is now the new owner and I don't care. Diggle and his now wife again Layla welcomes a healthy baby girl.

It's been a year since the Glades had been destroyed and the people who survive the attack help each other to build the Glades again. When I saw Felicity's cold body that day I just said 'I love you' then I left without even saying goodbye to her.

I went directly to the island and spend each day mourning the loss of my heart. I am mourning the death of the person that breathes new life to me as I see her smile and laugh with her eyes glistening like the bright sun every morning.

I receive a call from Thea telling me that a great chaos is starting to threaten the Glades again. I know I should go but I don't want to see the ruins it created in my mind and heart.

I do want to go because I promise my father that I would protect the Glades no matter what will happen.

I want to but I need to fix my broken heart.

I stare at the ocean again when I dreamily feel the touch of Felicity in my face. I thought it was a dream. A real dream so I keep on blinking my eyes.

I was wrong.

The moment I open my eyes fully I saw her happily smiling at me. She is alive and I can't believe myself. I know right then that I was dreaming but I'm not.

A lot of questions spiral through my mouth but she made me stop when she kisses me on my lips shutting those questions and telling me that she is alive.

After the kiss she looks at me with her eyes and the only word that came out of my mouth were the stupid 'You're alive'. She laughs so hard I don't want to blink because I'm starting to think that I'm making a dream inside my mind.

She took my hands and explains the reason she needed to stay dead. A traitor wants me dead so she needs to come with a plan to bring that traitor. It was then that Diggle took care of Isabelle.

I smiled because I can already wash all the melancholic memories in my head away. I stare at those beautiful eyes and I realize that I am deeply in love with her.


End file.
